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To watch or not to watch?
I belong to a private Facebook support group for sibling survivors of suicide and that is the question that currently seems to be the most common concern for its 1,595 members. Have you also been struggling to decide whether or not to watch the popular Netflix series “13 Reasons Why”? Have you been conflicted about whether to allow your teen to watch the show?
Unfortunately [or fortunately?], I am not here to persuade you one way or another. I understand that we all process things differently and have vastly different opinions about what is acceptable and tolerable in terms of violence, language and sexual content in the media we consume. I also accept that a personal loss to suicide can deeply alter our paradigm on such matters.
Ultimately, however, you need to make the decision about what is appropriate for you and your family. The right decision can only be derived from a deliberate internal assessment. This may take time and deep reflection but it is important – particularly if you are a survivor of suicide, a person who has experienced sexual assault, or a person with a history of mental illness or self-harm. You can do this by considering your triggers or sensitivities and weighing them against the multitude of articles and reviews found online. These views vary and come from a number of different sources, including suicide prevention organizations and therapists. I believe these sources are invaluable because of their expertise on matters of mental health and suicide.
Do not feel pressured one way or another. You do not have to make the choice to watch the show because it is popular or because some people believe it is a great vehicle to open up a conversation about bullying and suicide. You can certainly find other avenues to do that. You do not have to make the choice NOT to watch it because people have written negatively about the gratuitous depictions of rape and suicide.
My decision hinged on my own intense curiosity and desire to participate and add to the discussion. I also spent a great deal of time reading and weighing these viewpoints against my understanding of my own sensitivities. As a very recent survivor of suicide (I lost my baby sister barely three months ago), I was unsure if I had any unknown triggers associated with this traumatic loss. Ultimately, I decided that the only way to discover any potential triggers would be to face experiences head on. I didn’t want to approach my life constantly afraid of being triggered. Upon deeper reflection, I believed that I would be fine.
So I watched the show.
I did not have any adverse reactions. I did not experience any triggers. I can’t even say that the rape or suicide scenes were bothersome to me. In terms of entertainment and production value, I thought it was captivating. However, while I do not regret watching the show, I can see why it wouldn’t be the right decision for others. And it may not be the right decision for you.
Now to really confuse and confound you…I have some very strong negative opinions about the approach taken by the show’s creators and the various missed opportunities to provide education and awareness to help combat suicide.
MY TAKE
I believe the creators of the show took an irresponsible and dangerous approach to the topic of suicide. Many ardent supporters of the series believe that it realistically depicts the compounding effects of bullying and inaction that could ultimately lead to a young teen’s suicide. While I would agree that bullying is a major theme of the show, and a topic that deserves to be addressed, I also believe the writers did a major disservice to the suicide prevention community by completely sidestepping the issue of mental health. Conversations about the impacts of bullying aside, this show seriously misses the point when it comes to suicide.
Moreover, I believe the show also does a serious disservice to survivors of suicide. The series seems to strongly suggest that everyone who is part of the life of a person who died by suicide somehow bears responsibility for the suicide. I do not think that is right, fair, or healthy.
The series is called “13 Reasons Why” and in the trailer, the protagonist says, “if you’re listening to this tape, you’re one of the reasons why.” Although the main character’s rapist certainly needs to find himself in prison, the other 12 people are still just human. Flawed and human. The tapes left by the protagonist seem designed to cause guilt, grief and inflict what I would call psychological torture…leading another character to attempt suicide. The end result, in my opinion, is the inadvertent depiction of suicide as a reasonable means of inflicting revenge.
While many survivors of suicide have intense waves of guilt, there is a big difference between feeling guilty and actually being responsible or culpable. Do we as humans need to do better and be better and love better? Does bullying need to end? Does bullying contribute to suicide? YES to all. I simply didn’t appreciate the show’s way of dealing with bullying while completely disregarding mental health.
THE TAKEAWAY
If you do choose to watch this show, please remember that over 90% of people who die by suicide have a diagnosable mental health disorder. If you allow your teen to watch the series, be prepared to have conversations about bullying, suicide, and mental health. The show itself cannot be the catalyst for change that people hoped it would be without an educational and awareness component. The show’s creators missed an important opportunity to include educational resources.
Thankfully, the JED Foundation created the following talking points for viewing and discussing the series: https://www.jedfoundation.org/13-reasons-why-talking-points/
As one Facebook commenter put it: “Rather than demonizing a television program, empower people to consume responsibly and close the gap between teens and the adults in their lives.”
ARTICLES
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/13-reasons-why-suicide-how-to-talk-with-your-teen-about-netflix-show/
http://www.newsweek.com/aaron-hernandez-13-reasons-stown-suicide-587135
A Therapist’s Take
http://www.foxlevineandassociates.com/blog/2017/4/19/13-reasons-why-and-its-unintended-consequences
Writer Defends Depiction of Death Scene
http://ew.com/tv/2017/04/20/13-reasons-why-nic-sheff-hannah-death/
‘13 Reasons Why’ Promised To Raise Awareness About Teen Mental Health. That Backfired.
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