I have an army behind me.  It’s an invisible army.  But it’s there.  My army is a community of other suicide loss survivors.  They get it.  All of it.  

They personally and intimately understand the emotional energy expended fighting through the grief battle.  They too have been wounded by the words and actions of their friends and loved ones who, through indifference or ignorance, take up arms against them.  They have also been thrown off guard, the wind knocked out of them, by bittersweet and unexpected memory bombs.  They too have been disoriented, lost, injured, and isolated in the chaos, confusion and questions involved with this battle.  They have also been bombarded with society’s discomfort and propaganda about suicide being selfish, sinful, or the easy way out.  They may have considered surrender but they are determined to do more than just survive.  They are hell bent on wining the war.

This army of mine feeds me hope when I’m running on empty.  They drop their shields to cry with me when I’m overwhelmed with emotion. They dress me in protective armor when I’m not tough enough to deal with the barrage of fire.  They raise up their swords of indignation against those who lack tact or compassion.  They speak inspirational words of encouragement and advice that reinvigorate me on my mission.  

They stand solidly behind me and I stand solidly behind them.  In our weakness, we are strong together.  They make the unbearable bearable.  They provide warmth and light in the cold darkness of grief.  

To my army of suicide loss survivors, thank you.  You’ve made all the difference.  I wish none of us had been conscripted into this army but I’m glad to be fighting beside you.  Together, I know we will win.  Together, I know we can make a difference.  

If you’ve lost a loved one to suicide, I highly encourage you to attend a survivors of suicide loss support group (sometimes called an SOS support group).  For all the reasons I’ve described above, they’ve become a family of sorts.  They simply just get it.  

My support group is a warm, welcoming place and has truly been the single most comforting source of support on my journey.  I cannot say enough good things about the people and the structure.  The setting is no-pressure – you can speak or just listen.   You can cry, vent, rant, ask questions, etc.  Sometimes, listening is the best medicine.  To hear the emotional struggles of others going through the same tragedy aids in feeling less alone and lonely in your own grief.  It assures you that your own feelings do not make you crazy.  Most importantly, hearing people at different stages can give you hope that the pain and darkness will subside and that you will make it through.  Because you will.  YOU will survive.  And you can thrive.  You may even find lasting friendships and people whom you can join together with in an effort to make change and have an impact in the area of suicide prevention and mental health awareness, and education.  

If you’re in the Phoenix metropolitan area, consider attending the EMPACT-SOS group.  You can find information about locations and times here:  http://empactsos.org/support-groups/.  And do me a favor, try it out for three sessions.  Give it a real shot.  If you don’t click with one group, try a different location.