Too long have schools and society ignored bullying. In many ways society has encouraged it. Going so far as to tell a young girl that if a boy hits them it is because they like them. What message does that send to young girls and boys? That it is ok to hurt someone because you like them? What do our daughters learn; that it is ok for a boy to behave badly as long as they think they “like” them?

Kids are often told to ignore the bullying in the hopes that it will go away, many times it doesn’t. Why do you tell the child to just ignore the bullying instead of ensuring it stops?

Bullying is a serious issue. In AZ alone we have over 35,000 families that homeschool, many homeschool not out of choice, but fear. Fear for the physical as well as the mental toll it places on their child. How is this acceptable?

We recently asked parents of children that have been victims of bullying to describe the struggle and what changes they want to be implemented. The common thread was frustration over the school’s response. Not only is the education system not acting swiftly, but the victim is also being punished along with the perpetrator. That isn’t fair, nor is it right. Parents rush to meet with the principal, the superintendent, the school nurse, anyone who will listen, but often times the complaints fall on deaf ears. A mother and father should not have to fight an entire system to ensure their child is safe. Too often we hear of a parent having to find another school for their child who is the victim of bullying. This puts further hardship on a family. They have to find a way to get their child to and from school because the school district will not pay for transportation for a school that is out of a family’s school boundary area. To make matters worse, if a child that is bullied ends up in a fight because they are defending themselves, they will get suspended along with the bully. This can create a multitude of issues including finding daycare for days they are not in class, and many charter or private schools will not take a child mid-year that has a suspension on file, regardless of the reason why. Again, the hardships fall on the family that is being hurt, not to the bully themselves.

Our schools tell us they have a zero tolerance policy against bullying, but do they really?

So what can we do about it?

  1. Talk to your kids about bullying. Model kindness and compassion, do as I say not as I do is ineffective. Parents, your children will mirror your behavior.
  2. Discuss the different types of bullying and why it is wrong. If you are unsure of the different forms of bullying you can look at our other blog at https://thejemfoundation.com/blog/ where we discuss different types of bullying in detail.
  3. Be open to communication. If a reasonable parent wants to discuss a bullying situation that involves your child, whether victim or perpetrator, please listen. This is a great learning experience for all children. It shows that things can be solved by dialogue.
  4. You are your child’s best and often times only advocate. Never feel bad for advocating for your child. Always be professional, but if a school is not listening, keep fighting. If necessary set up a meeting with the superintendent to discuss the issue if the principal isn’t acting. Go up the chain, and if the school district isn’t listening, go to your state representative and set up an in-person meeting to discuss the issue, and bring your documentation. If possible bring your child or a letter from your child. Make it personal. Put a face to the issue.
  5. If the school and the school district refuse to act:
    1. Document everything. This is essential. Document every interaction that shows the pattern of harassment and include dates, times, location, a good description, and witnesses. Also note meetings, what was discussed, what was promised, dates, times, who was there, etc.
    2. Talk to your kids. Let them know they are not alone and that you believe them. Listen to them and ask them what they want. The answers may surprise you.
    3. There is strength in numbers. Find local advocacy groups like the ACLU or local anti-bullying non-profits. These can be great places to start and understand what your rights are.
    4. If bullying is a big issue in your child’s school, chances are your child is not alone. Set up a parent coalition for anyone concerned about the bullying to support each other. Go to district meetings. Invite the media and let them share your story. Let the local radio stations, news agencies, and local papers be your advocate. Always be professional but demand change.

It isn’t fair that this falls to the family of the child being bullied. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make all bullying go away. Until the day comes where we have eradicated hate and ignorance, we will still have bullies. Know that you are not alone and many parents have also faced this issue. Reach out, there is help.